I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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