Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to make out with him forever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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