I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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