Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
