my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
