1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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