Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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