the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
