If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
