No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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