It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
