someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
