ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize