Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
