My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
