At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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