420 ftw
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
