Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
