The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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