nut hugger
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hope mine doesn't look like that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
