I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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