They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
