To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
