I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
