The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
