I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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