so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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