I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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