i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
