kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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