i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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