all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
