There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
