he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
