I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
