she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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