you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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