she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
