i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
