Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
