just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
