Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
