you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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