I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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