when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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