Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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