Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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