I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
