i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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