Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
