listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
