You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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