This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
