I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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