i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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