I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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