oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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