Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
