it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
how does that bad decision feel?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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