I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
